It's October! How did that happen? I swear this year is flying by for the most part, but there are days, days like today that make it seem like it's dragging by. October is the time for Fall, and the weather seems to have arrived in Alabama. It was a cold 39 Monday morning when we got up, hello heater! I love fall, the crisp, cool air, the leaves changing colors, the pumpkin patches, Halloween and basically it is the kick off for holiday festivities.
Life is pretty much the same right now, just trying to make it through each day. I did post last time about looking for work, and I've had one of the jobs I applied for contact me, had 2 interviews, and now it's the waiting game to see if I get it. It would be near perfect, M-F, 20 hours, just need decent pay. I don't feel great about how the second interview went, but I was nervous, I can't recall being nervous like I was this time, strange. I hope to hear something today, even if its an email saying they hired someone else, because then I can move on. I am not good at waiting, especially for something like this.
J just finished up her volleyball season, her team came in 4th place in their age group before the tournament, but after it they finished in 3rd. Way to go Purplicious! It's amazing to see how far their team has come since the beginning of practice. They were sooo close to beating the 1st place team, which actually ended up 2nd in the tournament, so they were very happy.
October is also Spina Bifida Awareness month and I hope to help spread the info! I'll be writing a separate post on my SB blog asap, so I will not put tons here. However, I am excited to say I met in person, in the last couple weeks, 3 great SB mamas and their kiddos! It's really nice to have someone to talk to here, locally and get support and advice. Sometimes I still feel alone in this world, but we're slowing getting out there and meeting others. So be sure to check my other blog later today on how you can help prevent Spina Bifida and how to live life even after the diagnosis.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
2 Months Later
I realize right now I suck as a blogger, but you know my life is kinda sucky a lot of days, so it's hard to want to sit down and write anything. The last time I wrote was 2 months ago and my life was on hold, well basically it still is, though I am trying to get unstuck. My mom has made tremendous progress since her stroke at the end of March, she doesn't realize it, but she has. I've put most of my life on hold since then, but I am realizing that I am not making anyone happy by doing that. So I am trying, I can't promise it'll be better tomorrow, the next day or the next, but I am trying. If I continue to let this get me down all the time, I'll self destruct. I am unhappy and I know it, so I want to try to change it. So really this post will be just a random list rather than bore you with all the drama of life.
*I am super stressed these days, so I am trying to get out for a mom night out at least once a week for coffee, if not, then just out by myself, shopping, coffee, something. I need this.
*J & H both love, love their new schools, when this all came about 2 weeks before school started I was unhappy, but now I think it was for the best. J is excelling in her classes, she got all A's on her progress report and couldn't be happier. H loves her teacher and new school and is doing just as well.
*K is growing like a weed (though on the small side for her age) and getting stronger. She does well with her braces and I really think it's improving her leg/ankle strength. I am glad we got her signed up for physical therapy.
*I quit work at the end of Aug, it was to stressful dealing with the crappy manager, working times that just were not working for my family etc. I love the job, hate the boss, if he leaves, I may go back.....but we'll see. So in the meantime I am trying to find something I can do with a flexible schedule, work around my family, after school activities, moms dr appts, K's dr appts and so on. It's kinda hard. I did apply to a couple office type jobs, both part time, but not heard anything yet.
*In light of not working, I am trying to get my crochet stuff in order and work on selling on etsy. I created a store months and months ago but just finally actually listed things. I have someone working on a logo for it to replace the generic I have now. So check it out: http://www.etsy.com/shop/threeprincessdesigns and like me on facebook too! I am in the process of making more items to add soon :)
*The holidays are coming! I am ready for the pumpkin patch, scarecrow trail, Halloween parties, Thanksgiving, Galaxy of Lights & Christmas!
So there you have it, randomness.
*I am super stressed these days, so I am trying to get out for a mom night out at least once a week for coffee, if not, then just out by myself, shopping, coffee, something. I need this.
*J & H both love, love their new schools, when this all came about 2 weeks before school started I was unhappy, but now I think it was for the best. J is excelling in her classes, she got all A's on her progress report and couldn't be happier. H loves her teacher and new school and is doing just as well.
*K is growing like a weed (though on the small side for her age) and getting stronger. She does well with her braces and I really think it's improving her leg/ankle strength. I am glad we got her signed up for physical therapy.
*I quit work at the end of Aug, it was to stressful dealing with the crappy manager, working times that just were not working for my family etc. I love the job, hate the boss, if he leaves, I may go back.....but we'll see. So in the meantime I am trying to find something I can do with a flexible schedule, work around my family, after school activities, moms dr appts, K's dr appts and so on. It's kinda hard. I did apply to a couple office type jobs, both part time, but not heard anything yet.
*In light of not working, I am trying to get my crochet stuff in order and work on selling on etsy. I created a store months and months ago but just finally actually listed things. I have someone working on a logo for it to replace the generic I have now. So check it out: http://www.etsy.com/shop/threeprincessdesigns and like me on facebook too! I am in the process of making more items to add soon :)
*The holidays are coming! I am ready for the pumpkin patch, scarecrow trail, Halloween parties, Thanksgiving, Galaxy of Lights & Christmas!
So there you have it, randomness.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Life on Hold
My life is on hold, I try to make plans but I end up having to cancel. My kids are bored to tears, I am sure this is the worst Summer vacation ever for them. My life revolves around my mom right now. I am more than happy to go see her, I am so glad I am able to see her and that she is alive. It's just so hard on me right now, and my family, her family (the rest of them) isn't here. They are able to go live it up day after day, go out to the club, go hike the wonderful Hawaiian island, go to dinner, sleep well at night, see friends etc. Me? Not a chance. I try to make plans to see friends, and the night before I get a call, she's crying. She wants me to come in the morning. She is having a really really hard time right now and I am the only one who "cares". I get calls all hours of the day and night and it's an inconvience for them when she calls. How you can go without calling/seeing your own mom/wife is beyond me, especially after all of this.
Strokes suck. They take away the person you knew and replace them with someone who may or may not remember you (thankfully she does know who we are) and it damages their brains and body. I can't even imagine going from 100% independent and living alone to having to be in a long term care/nursing home by myself and unable to function by myself. Having to relearn to swallow, chew, drink, eat, speak and even walk in some cases has to be mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. I know for me it is and I have the easy side of this. However anyone who has been a caregiver knows, this its not so easy either.
Today my phone has rang over 11 times today since 7 am. She called to find out when I was coming, even though she asked me at 10:30 last night. So I tell her, then 10 minutes later she calls and asks again, what time am I coming. The she begins to cry. She hurts, her leg and knee hurts, she wants me to be there now and I can't. Visiting hours do not start until 10, but time makes no difference. The part of the brain that understands time, isn't functioning correctly.
She has come so far since her stroke, but I don't think she truly understands. She almost died, her body had started shutting down. It was a matter of time, the doctors and nurses were telling us it's time for hospice. I mean can you imagine sitting there listening to this but praying they are wrong but deep down you feel it's true? She's in a coma, she suffered another (minor this time) stroke while in the coma and the swelling of her brain was to much. She stayed this way for about a week, and we flew my family over to GA because I wanted them to see her before it was over. Then a miracle happened, I have no doubt in my mind it was a miracle. She went from completely non responsive in over a week to responding on a Thurs morning. She began to open her eyes, squeeze our hands again. What a joyous occasion, since literally the day before my family had to sit down and discuss funeral arrangements, burial, what to do with the house, her things etc.
Our lives were on hold that month she was in the ICU following her stroke. The she started getting better, she started trying to talk more and got more responsive. It truly felt surreal. No one quite understands, because it's easy to say, oh you lost faith. No, we did not. I still prayed she would make it through, but when every doctor that came in to see her, said she was going to die since she did not have the surgery and there was nothing they could do for her you process the information and have to accept what is coming. Unless you've been in this situation, there is no way to understand it, so please don't say something stupid like, well you lost faith.
So yes my life is on hold right now. I never know what each day will bring, as I try to plan and try to be there for her. I need a break like you wouldn't believe, but I have no one to take over. My kids need fun, need to feel like they are still important and they are, but I know they feel left out right now. I am isolated, most people will never, ever understand what I am going through, which means I have no one to talk to who "gets it". Though I truly hope they never have to experience this either.
Life.....on hold
Strokes suck. They take away the person you knew and replace them with someone who may or may not remember you (thankfully she does know who we are) and it damages their brains and body. I can't even imagine going from 100% independent and living alone to having to be in a long term care/nursing home by myself and unable to function by myself. Having to relearn to swallow, chew, drink, eat, speak and even walk in some cases has to be mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. I know for me it is and I have the easy side of this. However anyone who has been a caregiver knows, this its not so easy either.
Today my phone has rang over 11 times today since 7 am. She called to find out when I was coming, even though she asked me at 10:30 last night. So I tell her, then 10 minutes later she calls and asks again, what time am I coming. The she begins to cry. She hurts, her leg and knee hurts, she wants me to be there now and I can't. Visiting hours do not start until 10, but time makes no difference. The part of the brain that understands time, isn't functioning correctly.
She has come so far since her stroke, but I don't think she truly understands. She almost died, her body had started shutting down. It was a matter of time, the doctors and nurses were telling us it's time for hospice. I mean can you imagine sitting there listening to this but praying they are wrong but deep down you feel it's true? She's in a coma, she suffered another (minor this time) stroke while in the coma and the swelling of her brain was to much. She stayed this way for about a week, and we flew my family over to GA because I wanted them to see her before it was over. Then a miracle happened, I have no doubt in my mind it was a miracle. She went from completely non responsive in over a week to responding on a Thurs morning. She began to open her eyes, squeeze our hands again. What a joyous occasion, since literally the day before my family had to sit down and discuss funeral arrangements, burial, what to do with the house, her things etc.
Our lives were on hold that month she was in the ICU following her stroke. The she started getting better, she started trying to talk more and got more responsive. It truly felt surreal. No one quite understands, because it's easy to say, oh you lost faith. No, we did not. I still prayed she would make it through, but when every doctor that came in to see her, said she was going to die since she did not have the surgery and there was nothing they could do for her you process the information and have to accept what is coming. Unless you've been in this situation, there is no way to understand it, so please don't say something stupid like, well you lost faith.
So yes my life is on hold right now. I never know what each day will bring, as I try to plan and try to be there for her. I need a break like you wouldn't believe, but I have no one to take over. My kids need fun, need to feel like they are still important and they are, but I know they feel left out right now. I am isolated, most people will never, ever understand what I am going through, which means I have no one to talk to who "gets it". Though I truly hope they never have to experience this either.
Life.....on hold
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