Goals Revisited

So in Jan. of this year, I wrote a blog post about Goals and was reading old blog posts trying to make myself blog and came across that.  So I wanted to revisit it and see if a little more than halfway through the year, I've made progress.

Goal 1: Blog More : Failed but I am OK with that, I will blog when I can.

Goal 2: Spend more time with kids: Doing OK with that one, though it is hard at times because I have a lot of stuff still going on.

Goal 3: Spend more time with hubby: So-so, we could def use a date night every couple weeks rather than maybe once a month.  My dad does watch the kidlets for us, but we just slack and don't schedule it.  So new goal, schedule date nights more often!

Goal 4: Spend less time on computer: Again So-so, some days are better than others, but I am trying to be more conscious of it.

Goal 5: Spend more time with friends: Not so good here either. I thought with Summer, it might be better but not so much.  The kids activities/camps keep me pretty busy plus I am still watching V as well. Maybe when school starts? Ha, who I am kidding, I need to schedule it myself!

Goal 6: Purge house: In process of, but need to do more!

Goal 7: Replace living room carpet: Ah yes that was supposed to happen after tax time this yr, but our A/C needed serious repair and ate the floor funding.  So it's on hold until we save enough again or tax time next yr.

Goal 8: Pay medical bills: Still working on this, have paid some, but more to go.

Goal 9: Save money: still working on this

Goal 10: Save for Disney: Yep, non existent right now! Maybe soon?

Goal 11: Be more efficient with Girl Scouts: DONE, I stepped down, so how is that for efficient??

Goal 12: Lose weight & get in shape: In progress, started lifestyle change in May, down 17lbs but many, many more to go.  Hubs is doing it too, he's lost 20!

So some goals, I've done OK on, others not so much.  Maybe revisiting this will make me get on the ball. We have had a super busy Summer and the school year isn't going to be any less busier, so I am hoping I can remind myself of things I want to work on.

Catch up!

It's been awhile since my last post, even when I thought I was going to do better this year, I fell off the wagon. Again.  So maybe I am not cut out for this blogging thing, or maybe I am to tired to care, either way, it sucks!

So what's been going on in my world since February? Today you'll get some bullet points with a bit of detailed info.

• We had H's 8th birthday party in March.  She had a luau themed sleepover. I made almost all the decorations, the cake and had to many 8 yr old girls over for the night. ;) It was crazy but she had a great time, so it was worth it. 
• Cookie season is over, thank you!
• Hubby got a new job! It was the one he has been interviewing/talking with since Nov 2012 
• Softball and soccer season are underway along with school track for J, so we are always busy with something these days. 
• K had her evaluation for school to see if she qualifies for services.  She does not. 
• K turns 3 in 23 days.  Not.Ready. 
• I really need to plan K's birthday party! Perhaps Minnie Mouse theme. 
• I have been working 4 days a week babysitting and just about every Sunday at church.  In fact I am scheduled 8 in a row right now, not happy.  I purposely scheduled myself off on certain days, like our anniversary weekend and that's gone now.  
• We got to put in our schedule for June-Aug and I took 3 weeks off in a row in June, but I expect that will change and I will have to work.  We are going to lose 2 workers in July/Aug because they are college kids going off to another city.  They really need to hire some more people and soon.  
• I am in the midst of trying to plan Summer activities for the kids but some of these camps are outrageously priced. :/  
• I will be babysitting all Summer, so yay for extra money? I guess that can be camp money.... 
• I finally had some pictures made of the girls and I can't wait to get them printed.  They turned out so good! 
• A little bad news, our compressor went out on the a/c unit.  Not good.  We also needed freon, a leak fixed and a new valve that wasn't working properly.  What started out as about $400 in cost, now has gone to about $1300.  
• The good, hubs new company made a mistake and paid him for 2 full weeks of work instead of prorated but they told him to consider it a welcome bonus, so guess what is paying for the a/c repair?  At least we have the cash to pay for it.  

 I know that's not everything that's gone on the last couple months but that is the gist of it.  I hope to update again soon with pictures too!

Changes & Reflection

Changes are coming!

The weather is changing, it's getting "cooler" and actually kind of cold the next few nights, the days are getting shorter, the sun sets by 5pm, but it's getting to be that time of year. The holiday season if you will.  It seems once school starts, the year starts to fly by until January and then it slows a little bit. 

When January comes this time, there will be some changes in my life too. I am stepping down from organizing my moms group.  If I continued until Feb 14th, I would be organizing for 7 years. Do you hear me? 7 YEARS! My middle daughter is going to be 8 in March, so the majority of her life, I've run a playgroup.  Crazy.  To think she was just 10 months old when I joined and she's going to be in 3rd grade next year, makes it all so bittersweet.

While there has been lots of ups and downs during my 7 years of organizing, I really did enjoy it.  During those years there were hundreds of happy moms and of course some that didn't agree with me or left for whatever reason, but I did my job, I helped them make friendships with other moms and ultimately that is the purpose of the group.

The last several years has really made me realize how important friendship is.  I can have hundreds of acquaintance but only a small group of true friends. That's OK with me, I love my friends, even though I don't get to see them as often as I would like, they helped me when I needed it the most. They will never know how grateful I was and still am for their help, compassion, advice and love.  So those of you reading this and you know who you are, THANK YOU! <3 p="p">

I hope in 5, 10 or 15 years I can look back at this experience and say, it was still worth it!

Hours

There simply is not enough hours in the day to get everything done. No matter how much I try to get it all done, it just doesn't happen.  I think I have (or used to!) pretty decent time management skills, but lately I feel like a failure.

The house isn't clean enough, I don't spend enough quality time with the kids, I don't get enough meetup stuff done, I don't get enough girl scout stuff done, I don't get a lot of quality time with my husband, friends or just time to myself. I hate it. I feel like most of my time is spent accomplishing much of nothing. I used to coupon, and what a time consuming job that was, even though we were saving some money.  Now I primarily shop at Aldis and no couponing and save money without the hour scouring the internet looking for the best deal and coupons to match.  You think that would have save me some time, but I managed to fill it with other stuff.

I want, need, to do better at managing my time again, I feel like I am missing out on so much because I can't get my head straight. I know my kid's activities aren't going to slow down, so other things must. I need to spend less time on the internet (yet here I sit blogging) and more time doing things that I've been putting off. I have an online course I need to take for girl scouts, and I haven't been motivated yet to do it. I did just get the info the other day though, so it's not like I've been putting it off long. I do however, have to have it done by Nov 10th, as it's for an event we're going to.

This particular issue is going on my "New Year's Resolutions" errr, goals list.  It must be done, something has to give.  There will be some things changing within the new year as well, and I am hoping that will help relieve some of my stress.

Do you get it all done? Do you feel accomplished at the end of the day?

Sports

I grew up playing sports and loved it, now my kids are playing and they love it, even I love it.  I don't love the crazy hours it entails though.  When I was a kid playing rec leagues, we did not practice like kids do these days, nor play these crazy late hour games, so it frustrates me to say the least.  Last night was J & H's first softball game, they have had practice for a month, 3 to 4 times a week each, sigh.  The games last night were slated for 6 p.m. and 7:15 p.m., H being the later one. Her game got a late start, so they ended up playing until 9 p.m. Really?? Come on people, these are 7 & 8 year olds, they really DO NOT need to be playing that late when they have school.  The kids did not get into bed until 10 last night since we still had to eat and finish homework and not to mention it takes us about 15 to 20 mins to get home from the ball park.

Being our first year doing this many sports or ones that play so late in the week vs the weekend, I am still learning the ropes. I don't know how parents do this, keep up with homework, dinner, and still manage to get everything else done.  We have got to figure it out soon as games go through the end of May and I don't want to struggle every week with it.

Any advice?

The One Where

I talk about a little bit of everything. Not really surprised are you? Most of my blog entries these days are just random bits of information of things going on in my life. So I must continue my tradition lol.

So onward, first bit of news, I got a new job. :) One that is SO flexible and perfect, it's almost scary. I am going to be working part time in the nursery classes at one of our local churches.  There are a lot of great things about this job, it's less than two miles from me which saves on gas, it's completely flexible, meaning I choose my hours, the people are awesome and we've been talking about starting to go to church there. Another perk, I get to wear casual clothes, yay! Main hours are Sunday mornings of course, but I do not have to work every Sunday, as you sign up for the ones you want to work, plus some occasional Sun. nights and weekday nights as well.  Again, work as much or as little as you want.  I've only signed up for 2 days for April & May right now, mostly because of softball games and the other dates are filled with other workers. I am willing to bet I'll get a few more hours though.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, that while I do believe in God and I pray a lot, I've been missing something. I've never felt that you HAD to attend church to believe or be a Christian and I still do not.  There is a lot more to that, but I'll just leave it at that.  I grew up in the Church, attended every Sunday, evening and Wednesday evening as well, always involved, VBS, Choir, Nursery, Youth Groups etc  My husband however wasn't, and I knew this, so I've never pushed him to go.  I know he would go with me, because that would be what I would want, but I would want him to go because he wanted to.  So a few nights ago we were talking when I first found out about the job opening, that I was thinking of starting to attend again.  He was all for it and I had even mentioned he didn't have to, but he seems like he wants to and interested in learning more.  I've done a lot more praying in the last two years of my life, than I have in a long time.  Things have been rough for us and some days I am not sure I see the silver lining and I've felt a pull.  The pull to return to church, perhaps that has what has been missing in my life that I couldn't quite seem to figure out.

A year ago my mom had a major stroke, while in the beginning it didn't seem like the outcome would be so bad.  She was alert, knew who she was, her birthday, year, president etc, however a few days later her body started shutting down.  She slipped into a coma for a little over a week. During that week the doctors gave us grim news and told us to prepare for the worst.  They started talking hospice, and what we needed to do etc. Looking back it was surreal, we sat talking about her memorial service, what to do with the house, her stuff....never in my life did I see this happening at her age.  People all around the US and a few other countries were praying for us, and God heard those prayers and she began to wake up from her coma.  I could not believe it, but I cried tears of joy.  She started talking and being alert and knew she had a stroke, but didn't remember coming to the hospital etc, but I was just glad she was alive.

This last year has been crazy, her leaving the hospital, coming to a nursing home here in AL, then literally days later the horrible April 27th tornadoes came leaving us without power for a week. Thankfully we made it through with just loss of food and a tree, so I can't complain to much.  She has come so far from where she was in April of last year, had a feeding tube, barely sitting up on her own, to now eating just fine, getting around in her wheel chair due to her paralyzed left side but for the most part I am happy.  There are still struggles and hard times, but I just pray we're headed in the right direction. 

So in the end my random post was about a lot of praying, my mom, about life and moving forward.  That's what we try to do everyday, look ahead & move forward.

Uninspired

That is me these days, I am uninspired for many things, blogging, cooking, going out with friends, etc. I don't know what happened, I am in a rut. So what exactly have I been up to since I can't seem to blog more than once a month? A little bit of everything.

Quick List:

-Making 5 Egyptian costumes, 100 swaps, poster size flag, hieroglyphs chart/puzzle, researching & gathering info about Egypt for the GS World Thinking Day.
- Speech for K
- Physical Therapy for K
- Softball practice for J & H almost daily between the two of them
- Dealing with mom stuff, trying to get her into an assisted living place vs nursing home, etc etc.
- Playgroup stuff
- Family stuff
- Random stuff, you know paying bills, house cleaning, laundry, etc.

Still trying to find some ME time in all of that. I desperately need to get out of the house more. I think I am slightly depressed these days and feel quite alone. I don't know what happened to me... I used to get out at least every other day for some type of play date, mno, mni, something. Now, not so much.

I think, well I know, a lot of it has to do with Kaitlyn.  Not blaming her, but it's hard to be around people, even friends, that have kids K's age (or even younger) who are doing, well everything.  :( I want to take her out more and probably should even take her walker, but what do you do at a play date with a walker and curious other kids. I know they will want to play with it, take it and run with it, and there will sit K, wondering what the hell just happened.  I feel so sad for her right now, she needs interaction with kids her age, but she'll get left behind since she can't just run with them when they choose to go somewhere else.

Will things ever get better? Will I ever feel like we can get out and go and not worry about other kids or parents and what they do/say/think? I sure hope so, but until then, I guess I'll continue to be a hermit and hope that a spot opens in the EI playgroup soon.

Lists

So it seems all my blogger friends are making lists, I can't seem to find my mojo and blog anymore, as you can see it's been a little over  2 months since I blogged here. What can I say, we've had a busy Dec, as that post was probably made right before Kaitlyn's surgery and it's been crazy since then.  So today you're getting a list.

Ha, no bullets, or numbers, I am going letters ;)

A. Kaitlyn's surgery went well! She's just about back to where she was before the surgery.

B. Post op MRI was supposed to be this past Monday, but she had a fever, we had to cancel, so now we have to wait until March.

C. K had speech eval last week, she qualifies, so now we're adding speech twice a month to our 2-3 times pt a month.

D. I want to get K into out patient therapy, insurance covers a very minimal amount, so now to come up with the extra money out of pocket to get her what she needs.

E. Taxes- filed-check, money in bank-check, paying off a few bills- in process

F. Basketball season is over, the girls had a great season, and we're getting a small break right now.

G. Softball season starts later this month

H. Having behavior issues still with H.... never ending these days. At.end.of.rope.

I. My dad is having health problems, has a rupture in his stomach or upper intestine, however doctors are falling down and will not do the test required to see if he's really OK. They seem to "think" he's over the worst part, but things could rapidly change and get worse??! >:(

J. Looking at asst. living places for my mom, rather than the nursing home she's in.  So much I could say on this but am going to refrain.

K. My house is a wreck, grrr

L. Love is in the air...um not really but Valentine's Day is next week. Hubby keeps asking what I want and what I really want to say is, I would love for you to just plan something, make arrangements for childcare, and a date for us, I mean really, what happened to you?? You used to do things like that...now, not so much.  However I won't say that, I'll be happy with a card and candy I am sure I'll get.  On the flipside, V-Day is still a little sad for me, since I miscarried 3 years ago.  I guess that'll always be in the back of my head.

M. Birthdays are coming, H's 7th birthday and K's 2nd birthday, must get planning and shopping.

N. Realizing my list could drag on forever, so I'll stop (N)ow. ;)

So the short/long of it is, I have a lot going on, but not finding time to get around to writing about it all, so this will have to do. 

Until next time.

3 Weeks, 21 Days, 504 Hours

Pick one, that's how much time until K's upcoming surgery. Those who don't follow our SB blog, you may not know but K has another de-tethering surgery coming up on Dec 6.  I am really not looking forward to this, but know it must be done. I have so much to do between now and then, 3 weeks doesn't seem like enough time. Though some days it seems like it's an eternity.

This week is insanely busy, something every.day of the week, and don't forget Thanksgiving is next week, which I am no where close to ready for.  I haven't even started thinking about dinner plans yet, just logistics of getting my mom here for the holiday, so she doesn't have to spend it alone at the nursing home. Of course coming up with the money for the food is another story.

Money, yes that is a hot topic around here on any given day.  Things aren't good right now and it doesn't seem like it will get better any time soon.  I am unable to work now, since I can't just put K into daycare and with all the other things going on in my life, I can't even fit in an evening job. Sigh. This surgery is a huge unexpected cost we were not expecting which means Christmas will be mighty small this year for the kids unless something miraculous happens.

The downward spiral continues. 

It's Fall Y'All

It's October! How did that happen? I swear this year is flying by for the most part, but there are days, days like today that make it seem like it's dragging by.  October is the time for Fall, and the weather seems to have arrived in Alabama. It was a cold 39 Monday morning when we got up, hello heater! I love fall, the crisp, cool air, the leaves changing colors, the pumpkin patches, Halloween and basically it is the kick off for holiday festivities.

Life is pretty much the same right now, just trying to make it through each day.  I did post last time about looking for work, and I've had one of the jobs I applied for contact me, had 2 interviews, and now it's the waiting game to see if I get it.  It would be near perfect, M-F, 20 hours, just need decent pay.  I don't feel great about how the second interview went, but I was nervous, I can't recall being nervous like I was this time, strange.   I hope to hear something today, even if its an email saying they hired someone else, because then I can move on.  I am not good at waiting, especially for something like this.

J just finished up her volleyball season, her team came in 4th place in their age group before the tournament, but after it they finished in 3rd.  Way to go Purplicious! It's amazing to see how far their team has come since the beginning of practice.  They were sooo close to beating the 1st place team, which actually ended up 2nd in the tournament, so they were very happy.  

October is also Spina Bifida Awareness month and I hope to help spread the info! I'll be writing a separate post on my SB blog asap, so I will not put tons here.  However, I am excited to say I met in person, in the last couple weeks, 3 great SB mamas and their kiddos! It's really nice to have someone to talk to here, locally and get support and advice. Sometimes I still feel alone in this world, but we're slowing getting out there and meeting others. So be sure to check my other blog later today on how you can help prevent Spina Bifida and how to live life even after the diagnosis.

2 Months Later

I realize right now I suck as a blogger, but you know my life is kinda sucky a lot of days, so it's hard to want to sit down and write anything.  The last time I wrote was 2 months ago and my life was on hold, well basically it still is, though I am trying to get unstuck. My mom has made tremendous progress since her stroke at the end of March, she doesn't realize it, but she has. I've put most of my life on hold since then, but I am realizing that I am not making anyone happy by doing that.  So I am trying, I can't promise it'll be better tomorrow, the next day or the next, but I am trying. If I continue to let this get me down all the time, I'll self destruct.  I am unhappy and I know it, so I want to try to change it.  So really this post will be just a random list rather than bore you with all the drama of life.

*I am super stressed these days, so I am trying to get out for a mom night out at least once a week for coffee, if not, then just out by myself, shopping, coffee, something. I need this.

*J & H both love, love their new schools, when this all came about 2 weeks before school started I was unhappy, but now I think it was for the best.  J is excelling in her classes, she got all A's on her progress report and couldn't be happier.  H loves her teacher and new school and is doing just as well.

*K is growing like a weed (though on the small side for her age) and getting stronger.  She does well with her braces and I really think it's improving her leg/ankle strength.  I am glad we got her signed up for physical therapy.

*I quit work at the end of Aug, it was to stressful dealing with the crappy manager, working times that just were not working for my family etc.  I love the job, hate the boss, if he leaves, I may go back.....but we'll see. So in the meantime I am trying to find something I can do with a flexible schedule, work around my family, after school activities, moms dr appts, K's dr appts and so on.  It's kinda hard.  I did apply to a couple office type jobs, both part time, but not heard anything yet.

*In light of not working, I am trying to get my crochet stuff in order and work on selling on etsy.  I created a store months and months ago but just finally actually listed things.  I have someone working on a logo for it to replace the generic I have now.  So check it out:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/threeprincessdesigns and like me on facebook too! I am in the process of making more items to add soon :)

*The holidays are coming! I am ready for the pumpkin patch, scarecrow trail, Halloween parties, Thanksgiving, Galaxy of Lights & Christmas!

So there you have it, randomness.

Life on Hold

My life is on hold, I try to make plans but I end up having to cancel. My kids are bored to tears, I am sure this is the worst Summer vacation ever for them. My life revolves around my mom right now.  I am more than happy to go see her, I am so glad I am able to see her and that she is alive. It's just so hard on me right now, and my family, her family (the rest of them) isn't here. They are able to go live it up day after day, go out to the club, go hike the wonderful Hawaiian island, go to dinner, sleep well at night, see friends etc.  Me? Not a chance. I try to make plans to see friends, and the night before I get a call, she's crying. She wants me to come in the morning. She is having a really really hard time right now and I am the only one who "cares". I get calls all hours of the day and night and it's an inconvience for them when she calls. How you can go without calling/seeing your own mom/wife is beyond me, especially after all of this. 

Strokes suck. They take away the person you knew and replace them with someone who may or may not remember you (thankfully she does know who we are) and it damages their brains and body. I can't even imagine going from 100% independent and living alone to having to be in a long term care/nursing home by myself and unable to function by myself. Having to relearn to swallow, chew, drink, eat, speak and even walk in some cases has to be mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting.  I know for me it is and I have the easy side of this. However anyone who has been a caregiver knows, this its not so easy either.

Today my phone has rang over 11 times today since 7 am. She called to find out when I was coming, even though she asked me at 10:30 last night. So I tell her, then 10 minutes later she calls and asks again, what time am I coming.  The she begins to cry.  She hurts, her leg and knee hurts, she wants me to be there now and I can't.  Visiting hours do not start until 10, but time makes no difference.  The part of the brain that understands time, isn't functioning correctly. 

She has come so far since her stroke, but I don't think she truly understands.  She almost died, her body had started shutting down.  It was a matter of time, the doctors and nurses were telling us it's time for hospice. I mean can you imagine sitting there listening to this but praying they are wrong but deep down you feel it's true? She's in a coma, she suffered another (minor this time) stroke while in the coma and the swelling of her brain was to much. She stayed this way for about a week, and we flew my family over to GA because I wanted them to see her before it was over. Then a miracle happened, I have no doubt in my mind it was a miracle. She went from completely non responsive in over a week to responding on a Thurs morning.  She began to open her eyes, squeeze our hands again.  What a joyous occasion, since literally the day before my family had to sit down and discuss funeral arrangements, burial, what to do with the house, her things etc. 

Our lives were on hold that month she was in the ICU following her stroke. The she started getting better, she started trying to talk more and got more responsive. It truly felt surreal. No one quite understands, because it's easy to say, oh you lost faith.  No, we did not. I still prayed she would make it through, but when every doctor that came in to see her, said she was going to die since she did not have the surgery and there was nothing they could do for her you process the information and have to accept what is coming. Unless you've been in this situation, there is no way to understand it, so please don't say something stupid like, well you lost faith. 

So yes my life is on hold right now. I never know what each day will bring, as I try to plan and try to be there for her.  I need a break like you wouldn't believe, but I have no one to take over. My kids need fun, need to feel like they are still important and they are, but I know they feel left out right now. I am isolated, most people will never, ever understand what I am going through, which means I have no one to talk to who "gets it".  Though I truly hope they never have to experience this either. 

Life.....on hold

Picture Fun

Yes it's been awhile since I blogged, no I am not going to get in to why right now. To much on my plate, stress, overwhelming life, isolation etc.  I will be back to post about life soon but right now I live it everyday and no need to post about it as well.

This yr we're tightening the purse strings as much as we can with all the crazy we have going on so I needed something for Father's Day for DH.  I decided I would do the DAD photos that I see so many doing.  Hopefully they turn out OK in print, you just never know. 

I couldn't get the munchkin to look at me and hold the letter right, so this will do and I actually think its quite a cute pic.  So these pics in a frame will be DH Father's Day present.  He wants updated pics of the girls, so I think this will fit the bill nicely.

Oh and yes I made those letters :)

Grr and I just realized I left the time date stamp on the camera when I took them, oh well!

A post of randomness

It's been awhile since I last blogged.  I've wanted to but really just haven't had the time. My poor 365 blog, sadly is neglected as well.  I've been taking pictures, but probably not daily and I need to upload them. Maybe this week.  Maybe.

I've been working like crazy, 10 out of 12 days, finally had a day off today. The store opened this past Friday and I worked all weekend plus several more days to go this week.  I miss my family, I miss seeing friends, I miss relaxing.  When I am home, I have been so tired, I've not wanted to do anything but sit around.  I was hoping to spend some fun time with the girls this past Sat since I didn't work til the evening, but nope.  They were in moods and so was I.  I feel guilty for not spending enough time with them. 

On Fri hubby and I had a lunch date at Rosie's. YUM, great food and service this time around.  We also finished up our taxes, so hopefully our refund will hit the bank in the next week.  We will get to pay off these pesky hospital bills. Finally.  I also got paid this past Fri, yay for a nice size check, but boo for the long hours.

Kaitlyn turns 9 months old tomorrow...bittersweet. She's pulling up just about everything.  We're battling eating right now though.  She wants to eat whatever I have, and some stuff I do give her.  However she's also starting to barely take her bottles.  :/ I am not sure what to do about that right now.  I need to start more table foods vs baby foods, but feel lost on what to give her.  I don't recall being this way with the other 2 kids....but maybe I just don't remember. Suggestions?

Jessica got selected to be on the year book staff at school.  She's super excited about that.  Of course it has to be on Thurs afternoons, which is GS day for her.  Thankfully she gets done before GS starts.  She also is now entering some technology event at the VBC via her S.P.A.C.E class at school.  She and a couple girls are building a website, or so I am told. 

Hailey, is rambunctious as ever. She's doing well in school, wants to do everything Jess does, but you know how that goes.  She is also turning 6 soon. EEK, a little less than a month away.  I have got to start planning for her birthday.  She is loving Girl Scouts as well and is excited about upcoming camp this Spring. 

I am worried about my mom and her health.  She's got afib and her Dr recently had her to a heart echo.  We're now waiting on results.  Her blood pressure is extremely high these days due to lots of stress, which in turn makes the heart issue worse.  I hate being so far away, but glad she's not on an island that's an airplane ride away.

I am working on planning a summer vacation for us.  I looked at Disney, Universal and even Gatlinburg but we've decided on Stone Mountain, GA instead.  They have a lot of neat things to do and it's close enough we can take weekend trips.  They have a membership you can get, which as long as you go twice it's more than paid for itself.  My mom is going with us and maybe my sister.  Plus we're already planning on going this winter coming for their Snow Mountain :)

How is that for randomness?

Updates A Plenty

Well I am behind in the blogging world these days, I've had a lot going on recently.  I don't even know where to begin to catch up lol. 

My last post was pretty depressing, so I'll try to make this one better :) My rim is fixed and my tire is back on the car.  We found a place that refurbishes rims and sells refurbished ones, so thankfully we were able to get mine fixed and it only cost $140 compared to $600 plus for a brand new one! My next worry was my tire pressure monitor system, it's been "messed" up since I hit that metal thing in the road.  Hubby drove my car around the n'hood yesterday to make sure the tire was balanced and the light did NOT come on! So I think it was because the donut tire on there wasn't the right pressure, therefore it was lit up.  WOOT, that means we don't have to spend another $100 plus to get it checked and repaired.

The kids are doing pretty well, J & H got their progress reports last week and both had all A's.. well ok H had all S's but that's equivelent to all A's. :) K is doing awesome, I just updated the other blog on her. We're working on cereal and juice with her this month, juice is going well, cereal not so much LOL. I need to take some pics of them all this weekend, so hopefully I'll have some to post next week.

I've been spending less time online these days and getting in touch with my crafty side.  My Girl Scout troop learned to crochet a little over a week ago and that's what I've been doing.  I've made 2 scarves so far and working on a 3rd one now.  I love it, it's relaxing and I love creating things with my  hands. My next project will be a hat! Eventually I want to learn to make snowflakes and make a set for my tree.

Here is some pics of my scarves:

This is my scarf :)

Up close of the stitching

Hailey's scarf, still need to add the tassels

Up close of stitching, different than mine :)

Jessica's scarf, just beginning, but also a different stitch

This will be a two tone scarf, purple and off white

All three scarves have different crochet stitches, which makes them a different design. I really am liking the last one (Jessica's) so I may end up making myself one like that as well. :)

Life

Life, well just sucks sometimes. I've not blogged in awhile, not really had anything good to blog about and this post is probably a bit too depressing for most, so sorry in advance.

There has been a lot of crap going on in my life lately, both personal and non personal and it doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon. This past weekend was supposed to be a good weekend, a get away from the stress of life and other stuff.  The weekend itself was fine, got to spend time with my family which was nice, but of course just about anything that could go wrong went wrong. Where to start....I guess the tire situation. I was driving down 65 in Birmingham and drove over something metal and very hard. I messed up my rim and tire pressure monitor system.  The rim alone is going to cost about $600, then labor.  The diagnostic for the sensor is $100 not counting labor and replacement if needed.  I am very worried about finding out the price of that.  Of course there are no Suzuki dealers around here anymore, so we have to choose another and  let them order the rim. This snafu caused a normal 6 to 7 hour drive to turn into a 13 hour miserable drive for us all.

While on the way to GA, I was going slower than the speed limit due to the donut tire on the car and had this idiot literally try to kill us.  He was tailgating like crazy, so I just kept slowing down so he would pass. Oh he finally passes and then flips us off and then swerves his truck over and tried to hit us. Yep that would really get him down the road SO much faster. Yeah where is the State Trooper when you need them? The drive back took about 10 hours, since K was in such a great mood (note the sarcasm) and was crying almost the entire way back.

So another issue in my life, my right hearing aid started acting up about a week ago.  Just randomly started going off and then it would turn back on. I thought it was just a random thing, but no, over the weekend it kept getting worse. Finally it just went out completely. It turns on when you close the battery case, but it just keeps cycling through the start over and over again.  So now I am down to one, I can barely hear, I don't want to be around anyone either. So called to get my hearing checked and h/a checked on, they told me they couldn't see me for almost 2.5 weeks. That's not going to work for me, I need the h/a to function daily. So then I called my ENT, got an appointment for my hearing check on Friday, hopefully will be able to get an adjustment for the  h/a DR. on Friday as well, if not it'll be the following Friday.  I did get my h/a dropped off Tues with the DR, so hopefully they can fix it, if not they have to send it off to get repaired.  Cost: $275 at minimum.  Lovely.  The h/a's are out of warranty of course. 

Top all this off with the constant hospital bills arriving in the mail daily and collectors calling daily, so yeah life is just freaking funtastic right now. So if you think I've been ignoring you or whatever, that's not the case. I have a lot of crap going on my life right now, so give me a break, K?

On a side note, sent my resume in for a job, that I think I would enjoy, so could you say a prayer and/or send some positive thoughts my way? I don't really want to work, esp with K still being so young, but when the bills are piling up like they are, I must do something, short of selling everything we own.

Two Months Ago

Two months ago, my world seemingly got turned upside down. Two months ago K was born via c-section after trying for a vbac for 12 hours and not really progressing. Today I look back at that and am thankful because we had no clue about K's Spina Bifida.  We also do not know if her lipoma could have ruptured or not during birth as it was half filled with spinal fluid. The last two months have been stressful, happy, sad, worrisome and so much more but right now I feel at peace.

K had surgery approx two weeks ago and sometimes I am still trying to wrap my head around that. My 6 week old baby had major spinal surgery.  She could have been paralyzed, she could have major bladder/bowel issues, she could have required another surgery to put a shunt in her head.  She could have been. She's not paralyzed, had a very short term bladder issue and she did not need another surgery.  Miracles happen. Prayers work. Believe it.

When K was 4 days old I found a support forum for people living with Spina Bifida or parents of children with Spina Bifida:  Spina Bifida Connection .  This was my saving grace. The people there are inspiring, helpful, friendly and most of all been there. To be able to connect with other moms/dads who have been there and done that, to know I am not alone in this journey is priceless. Reading their stories, blogs, and helpful posts in regard to my own situation, I learned so much.

I learned that K having Spina Bifida is not the end of the world, just a different world. Her life isn't going to end or not be fulfilling because she has a birth defect. She will go on to lead a fulfilling life filled with love, joy, friends and family.

I am learning to live in the here and now and not in the future. No one can predict what will happen in the next 6 months, year or 10 years and rather than worry and dwell on it, I am living life and enjoying time with my 3 girls.

Overdue for an update

Sometimes I do not realize how long it's been since I have last posted and then other times I am just to lazy lol but that doesn't help my few readers I do have. :) So this post will be updates a plenty because last time I posted was over a month ago, eek!

Where do I start? Do I tell you how work is doing, school, Girl Scouts or the fact I am a little over 10 weeks pregnant? As you read that sentence, I can hear you saying duh lol so we'll start with the pregnant thing. ;) Baby #3 is on the way, edd is May 18 a few days after my 33rd birthday should we make it that far. This was kinda a surprise, not a surprise as in we haven't been TTC, but as in it's been over a year and half of trying and after a miscarriage in Feb, just surprised it finally happened. We found out early in Sept (right after I started working) and it's been a couple issues here and there since morning sickness has been kicking my butt in the first 8 weeks. Then on top of that I have had some spotting issues and landed at the L&D floor last Thurs. night for 5 hours. Thankfully everything seemed OK and the baby's heartbeat was around 180. My next appointment isn't until Nov 2, so I really don't have anything else to add, except keep us in your thoughts and prayers for a healthy 9 months. :)

Work is going OK, but I am in a bind on trying to figure out what to do. I have missed quite a few days to being so sick, and then my Dr put me on modified bed rest this week so no work. I really don't know how much longer I can do it, I am so tired all the time, it's hard for me to get up and moving at 6 am right now and plus the spotting issues. I am trying to figure out if I will just drop to a few days a week or quit...I really need to decide so I can let them know. DH is supportive either way, which is great, but also makes the decision harder to make. Thoughts?

The girls are still doing well with school. J is in drama club, she had "auditions" Tues. this week, so we'll find out in a couple weeks what part she got. I hope she enjoys it, whatever it ends up being. H loves her teacher and going to school and she's learning so much, I am glad we decided to put her into a MDO program. She misses her playgroup friends (as I do too) but overall the adjustment has gone well.

Life is busy as normal, we are gearing up for our annual group Halloween party, it should be fun. It's alot of work for us organizers but the end result is always awesome and the kids love it. We haven't made it to the pumpkin patch this yr, yet.... I am still hoping to fit a trip in before Halloween, somehow. I think we'll go one afternoon, since it's a little cheaper then. The girls have both chosen something different for Halloween costumes this year, kind of surprised about that. Normally they want to be girly, princess type things but this year H is going to be a witch (cute) and J a vampiress. I'll be sure to post pictures soon.

So that's us in a nutshell for now, will try to do better about posting!

School, Jobs & Life

School is underway for the girls, so far so good. Hailey likes her teacher and school and loves to come home and tell me what they did for the day. Since starting school though she has been much more loveable and cuddly and tells me she wants to stay with me forever. Awww, sweet, really, but we both know that can not happen. In fact I don't know what she'll do if I do go back to work full time since she would have to be in some type of care full time. This is the part that kills me about working full time. She only has 1 more year left at home and I was really hoping to enjoy it with her before she goes off to Kindergarten.

Jess is still doing well, no complaints as of yet. She doesn't seem to be having trouble with homework yet and she likes her teacher. She is going to be a Junior Scout this year and somehow I have roped myself into being a troop leader for her. Hmm what was I thinking? I do have two moms who have agreed to be asst. leaders so that will help but I worry about the time commitment, especially if I go to work. It'll work out somehow, but probably not the way I want it too.

In the last few weeks I have probably applied to 30 jobs or so and am continually looking online to see what I can find. I need to go up to Gymboree and turn in an application there. I have a friend that works there and I believe they are hiring. Maybe I'll go up there later today or Sat morning. I applied for a job at Regions Bank, as a full time teller. I took the assessment test at the main office and passed. I am not just waiting to hear back, they of course are doing a background/credit check. I wish I knew a timeline they might contact me back so I would have an idea one way or the other, but I do not.

I really do not want to work, but we really need to get caught up on bills and put some into savings. I like being home and able to volunteer and do things with the kids, like help at school, do Girl Scouts etc. I guess only time will tell how this is going to work out.

The big 3-0 is coming!

Whatever will I do when I say goodbye to the 20's? In 5 days I'll turn the big 30 and say goodbye to my 20's and wonder what the 30's life will bring. Will I be more decisive and be a better mom, will I be a better wife? I doubt that another year will do that, that starts inside.

As I look back on my life there are definitely some things I wish I hadn't done and of course some things I wish I had done. The number 1 thing I wish I had done, drop those one sided friendships. You know the ones I mean, the friend that will call you when they are sad, crying, bf broke up with them, parents being mean, the always having issues friends, but when you need a shoulder to cry on they aren't there for you. Those are the ones that are draining, you can't have one sided friendships. True friends will be there by your side no matter what life hands you, and if you are a true friend you'll reciprocate the gesture.

Turning 30 is another milestone in life, some say that's when you become an adult and realize that you need to have a plan for your life. For many they are finishing college in their 20's, have started a career and then a family. For others they didn't go to college, they started working and then started family and no matter which you chose you end up in the same place. Trying to decide did you make the right decisions in life.

I haven't quite figured out how I'll celebrate my 30th birthday yet, but I am sure it'll be just another day, after all it's just another year older. Right?